No marriage is easy, but some marriages build each partner up, while others tear each partner down; every marriage takes time and effort, but some marriages sap the spouses’ strength, while others generate joy and enthusiasm and intimacy, according to Gary Thomas in his book The Sacred Search: What If It’s Not about Who You Marry But Why? You are more likely to make a wise marriage choice if you settle the “why” question before considering the “who”.
The author’s advice includes:
- No matter who you marry, the feelings of romantic attraction are likely to wear off within 12 to 18 months
- If you seek first God’s kingdom and His righteousness, you will set yourself up for a more fulfilling, spiritually enriching and more satisfying marriage
- Infatuation leads far more people astray than into satisfying marriages
- While it can seem like a tremendous ego boost to have someone seem like they are desperate for you, ask yourself if you’re willing to play the role of God in their life
- The Bible encourages us to use wisdom, not destiny, as our guide when choosing a marital partner
- Important factors to consider include scriptural mandates, wisdom, parental and pastoral advice, and prayer
- If you marry for money, health or looks, keep in mind that none of these are certain to remain
- You’re not just choosing a life partner; you’re choosing your kids’ future parent
- The man or woman you’re thinking of marrying should be someone whose character can survive major life challenges
- A relationship requires two people getting to know each other, and then every day they have to choose to keep relating to each other or risk drifting apart
- It takes from 9 to 14 years for two individuals to stop thinking of themselves as individuals and to start thinking of themselves as a couple
- It’s hard to accept that we are going to hurt someone we love so much, but if we marry them, we will
The book certainly provides plenty to think about for anyone contemplating marriage. When the requirements of a suitable marriage partner are all added together, the field of potential candidates is seriously narrowed. Most people experience severe struggles in their marriages, and most people are far from being perfect marriage partners, for many of the reasons the author has outlined. It is an eye-opening and sobering, but very helpful, book.