Robert Gabriel Mugabe was born on this day 87 years ago in the Zvimba District of Southern Rhodesia. Raised a Roman Catholic, Bob’s only friends during his youth were his books, and he qualified as a teacher before gaining a Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Fort Hare, then a Bachelor of Administration and Bachelor of Education from the University of South Africa, and bachelors and masters degrees in science and laws from the University of London.
After working in Zambia and Ghana, Bob returned to Southern Rhodesia in 1960 and joined the Zimbabwe African National Union (ZANU) in 1963. Bob was arrested for subversion in 1964 and spent 11 years eating porridge in Salisbury Prison. After release from prison, he assumed control of ZANU and operated from neighbouring Mozambique, arranging cross-border guerrilla raids and assassinations of whites, opponents and moderates.
In 1980 Southern Rhodesia became Zimbabwe, and Bob was voted in as prime minister. In 1987 he increased his powers and became president, and since then has ruled the country with an increasingly iron fist. Bob accidentally made everyone in his country trillionaires while at the same time bankrupting them, as a result of astronomical inflation. Bob outstayed his welcome many years ago, but exercises violence upon the person of anyone who dares to tell him.